"I don't like you...I don't know why, I just don't."  I was approached by someone and they spoke those words to me. I was dumbfounded, totally caught off guard! My first thought was "what have I done?!" Well, they answered my thought, "you haven't done anything to me...I just don't like you!" For the life of me, I could not understand why a person would dislike someone that's done nothing to them...but these were their feelings and they were entitled to them. 

My mother has taught me many lessons, but I keep two of them before me continuosly. #1 stay humble and #2 apologize, even if you feel/know you've done nothing wrong. Although I was bothered by the approach, I decided to apologize. I wanted to apologize, just in case. Maybe I had done something or said something unaware that was offensive to them, so I apologized...and I meant it. My apology was accepted, but I would soon find out that it was for naught. 

Soon after their confession and my apology, my name was slandered. I went through years of persecution...because this person didn't like me! I was humiliated, embarrassed, hurt, discouraged. This was HARD for me. I'm a fighter by nature and now I'm "saved" so I can't use my fist...and I can't cuss (yes, cuss) them out either?! Jesus, don't take the wheel...take this entire vehicle! 

Abel...he had a brother named Cain. Cain, hated his brother Abel basically for no reason at all. They both had the opportunity to do what was right, but Cain refused. God not only watches their actions, He watched their hearts as well. He saw Cain's heart, blackened, evil, hateful toward his brother. God knew what was up the road. Just as this person spoke with me, Cain spoke with his brother Abel...and slew him. When asked by God where his brother Abel was, Cain responded "am I my brothers keeper?"

I wasn't murdered or wounded physically by this person, but I was bleeding emotionally. I was wounded by words...yes, words do hurt you! God sought vengeance on behalf of Abel, his blood cried out to God, and God answered. Don't fight back, don't seek revenge, don't hold grudges against those that have offended you. Forgive them, I'd challenge you to even apologize to them, and then leave the vengeance in God's hands.

I learned a valuable lesson...some people "know not what they do." 

It was my last semester in nursing school 10 years ago. I was somewhat nervous about this clinical rotation. Why you ask? I was going to the psych hospital! What will I see and hear?! Well, I saw people! Black, white, Hispanic, Asian, women, men, the young, and the old. I saw people walking aimlessly, no particular place to go...but going everywhere in their minds. I met "Jesus Christ, God Incarnate, and Mary the mother of Jesus." I met people that were clean and neatly dressed...and then I met those that were covered in their own feces and blood. Then I met her...my patient. She was a few years older than me, I was grateful that she was willing to talk to me. An so, I kneeled at her bedside...and listened to her story.

As a child she was molested by family, she was fatherless, she had a broken relationship with her mother, she was misunderstood, and was the "black sheep" of her family. She talked about the voices that talked to her, her desire and attempts to end her own life. As I listened to her story and looked into her eyes, I realized that we walked the same roads in life. This woman, a stranger, just told me her story...my story...our story. I lowered my head and inwardly asked God how is it that we had the same journey, but ended up in two different locations?! What separates us?! His answer was so simple, but so POWERFUL...GRACE! I was only one drop of grace from being her. It was nothing that I'd done or said, no price that I could pay...Grace, unmerited.

She was simply tired of being "strong" no longer willing to be perfect and have it all together....she needed to be vulnerable. As I said, our lives mirrored each other. I heard those voices...they told me to quit. They told me that I had nothing to say, that everything that happened to me was for nothing...that God had no use of me. Those voices said that I would fail, that I was in fact a failure...that I'd never make it. They told me to just die, give up, shut up...go away.

Had I listened, I probably would've become the lady I spoke with that day. I decided instead to listen to my Daddy. He reminds me constantly that no matter what I'm going through, no matter what's happening around me His grace is sufficient for me. That I can do ALL things through Christ that strengthens me. I can be weak in Him because my strength is perfect in Him.
You don't have to have it together. It's ok to be flawed. You don't have to carry the weight of the world on your shoulders...Christ did it for you. Accept His love for you, accept His plan for you...accept Him. Let Him carry you...

HIS GRACE IS SUFFICIENT.

As I was riding the other day, I caught myself smiling for no reason. I started to laugh recalling the days of feeling that there was nothing to smile about. When I was younger, I not only hated my smile...I hated myself! 

When I was younger, I didn't like me. I hated my life and wanted someone else's. This resulted in me throwing pieces of myself away, picking myself apart, and creating the perfect "me."  I hated my hair, so I cut it off. I hated my skin tone...why couldn't I be a few shades lighter?!  I hated my smile, so I stopped smiling. My hair grew back...so I dyed it and cut it off again.  I hated my height, why couldn't I be tall like my dad, heels...that'll fix that! My laugh, gosh I can't stand it...so I changed that too. I dissected myself into many pieces. I enhanced what I liked and threw away what I thought to be useless pieces of me.

Because my enemy knew that I hated myself, he jumped on board. He would send others my way to validate my thoughts. They would tell me how ugly I was, how I would never be anything, and had nothing to offer. A doctor once told me that because of my childhood experiences, I would never be what I really wanted to be...a nurse. He told me that my dreams were unrealistic. I wasn't allowed to join the "clicks" at school...I didn't fit. I was ostracized for not looking a certain way or having certain things. And so this new person that I created hit a downward spiral. I became even angrier! I fought, drank, smoked, partied...if there was a "thou shalt not" before it, I said "I shall." I had to feed the angry, bitter, hurt, lost person that I was!

So often we look in the mirror without actually looking at ourselves. We see ourselves quickly, but do we actually STOP and look at the reflection that's looking back at us? One day, I took a really good look at Leola...my mirror was the word of God. I realized that I didn't hate myself, I was hating God. Genesis 1:27 "so God created man in His own image." Each part of my being is a part of God and I had thrown pieces of Him away. He begin to tell me what my natural father couldn't. He told me that I was fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalms 139:14). He told me that my end wouldn't be like my beginning...that He had an expected end for me (Jeremiah 29:11).  That everything I've endured was going to work together for my good (Romans 8:28).  And that even though my biological father was deceased, I still have a Father (Psalms 68:5).  That I didn't have to defend myself because He would (Deut. 10:18). God let me know that I was not here alone, fatherless, hopeless as I've always believed. 

My Father's words built me. I accepted the fact that He is enough. What He says is enough. How He feels about me, it's enough. I have God's DNA.  Just as any great father does, He sent people into my life to build me in Him. He literally loved the HELL out of me. He loved me into the person that I am today. Now, I can't stop smiling..and I love it! I love me because I learned to accept God's love for me. I learned to accept Him as enough. 

In a few days we will celebrate the dawning of a new year. Some of us will vow to become new people with new attitudes and new outlooks in life. We will resolute to lose weight, save money, love enemies, and enjoy life. Although there's nothing wrong with making resolutions, setting goals, and challenging yourself to be/do better...I want to challenge you to see the "new and better you" right NOW!

2013, what a year! Some of us were faced with many unforeseen circumstances. We've buried loved ones, we were challenged by our adversities, endured hardships, faced enemies, we overcame persecutors, so many unforgettable events.

We trained our ears to drown out negativity by speaking the word of God, trained our eyes to smile when they wanted to shed tears, cuffed our hands in prayer when we really wanted to fight, and covered our feet in peace when we really wanted to make haste and render evil for evil...oh YES, 2013 has been a challenging year!

As I ponder on this year, what appeared to be one of the most difficult, heartbreaking, and trying years ever...I realize it wasn't so bad after all! You see gold can't be pure gold...if it's not purified in the fire! A diamond can't shine as bright...if it doesn't endure the heat and pressure caused deep within the earths surface! A pearl wouldn't be fit for display...if it didn't endure the entrapment of the mantle inside of an oyster! The fire, heat, pressure, and entrapment didn't come to break you down...it came to prepare you, to reveal who you ARE! Once the gold is purified, it is shaped to the refiners liking! The diamond is cut, crafted, and used...more than any other gemstone! The pearl comes forth covered by the mantle of the one that made it! There is more to your making than fire, heat, pressure, and entrapment...there is PURPOSE!

2013 came to make you, to reveal to you not only who you are, but who God your Father really is! Because you've endured the process...you will now receive the promise!

Joseph endured the pit, slavery, false accusations, and prison. David endured the rejection of family, persecution, disappointments, even running for his life. Christ endured shame, suffering, rejections, and denial. But their stories didn't end with the negative...their promises still had to surface. Their promises had to manifest. Their promises had to come to pass! Your promises are here and you are now ready for display!

All that you've endured, everything that tried to take you out...was not to break you down. No, it was sent to bring you forth! So, don't wait for the clock to strike midnight to step into the "new you" when you shout "HAPPY NEW YEAR!" No, you are already here!

So, just keep walking from 2013 into 2014...right into your promise. Right into your purpose!

Blessings,

Leola

As a Registered Nurse, I meet new people every day. I meet people of different races and backgrounds of life and they all tend to ask me the same question "why do they have to take so much blood?!" Most patients become frustrated because they don't realize the necessity of having frequent lab draws. I find myself explaining why they have their blood drawn frequently, and educating them on what the blood does.

What most patients fail to understand is that the blood has a way of telling the doctor a true prognosis. If a patient is admitted to the hospital for chest pain, blood will be drawn at least every eight hours to monitor cardiac enzymes. If the patient is having a heart attack, the cardiac enzymes will continue to elevate hours after the heart attack. If a patient is diabetic, it tells the doctor that they've been eating right and avoiding "bad food," the doctor is able to check their blood and the Hemoglobin A1C will tell them if they're being honest or not! The blood is able to tell if your electrolytes are stable, if your cholesterol levels are high/low, it will tell if you have a specific disease, if you're pregnant, or using drugs. The blood is able to tell what is going on with the different systems of the body, allowing the doctor to focus on how to treat you. When admitted to the hospital or visiting a doctor you will notice that you are asked about your mother, father, and siblings. Why...because most diseases are passed down the family line.

The blood has a voice and when it speaks, it doesn't lie.

When Jesus died on the cross, his blood was shed for us. Hebrews 9:22 tells us "without shedding of blood, there is no remission of sin." We are released from the guilty verdict that was against us because of His blood. When our enemy accuses us, the blood of Jesus stands and says "NOT GUILTY" on our behalf. Revelation 12:11 lets us see that we have overcoming power because of the blood of Jesus. Often we feel overwhelmed by the pressures of life and we want to throw in the towel. And our enemy again stands against us to wear us out, the blood of Jesus takes the stand for us gives us overcoming power against him! Sometimes we feel that we will live as our parents once did and that we won't amount to much in life because of our present situations, that the generational curses of our ancestors will fall upon us. But Revelation 5: 9-10 tells us because He redeemed us with the shedding of His blood, "He has made us kings and priests...and we shall reign on earth." You are a king and priest, by the shedding of His blood!

So, you see blood has a mouth..and it tells a story, painting a crystal picture to all those who read it. When blood is drawn, a laboratory report is printed and placed in a chart. Jesus had his blood drawn on Calvary many years ago and the report was placed in the chart of what we call the Holy Bible. You may not like what your blood has said about you, and that's ok! You have been redeemed by the shedding of Jesus blood. His blood is pure and holy. Allow Him to transfuse you today and be washed with His blood.

Receive Him today and believe His report!

A few years ago, a burden was placed on the heart of a man by the name of Darrell Patrick.  He was burdened with the "now generation" ministers, he wanted to see us prosper...not only naturally, but most important spiritually. Through his burden, Project Gideon was birthed. Project Gideon is a petri dish for ministers and the conference room an incubator to bring life, conviction, knowledge, clarity, and growth to all who are in attendance.  For two days Project Gideon was convicted to wake up and do better. Hearing the voice of concern flowing from the heart of Bishop  T.D.  Jakes brought repentance to our hearts and minds for our roles of slack and unconcern in the kingdom.  One of Bishop Jakes' question was "where is David?!"

In 1 Samuel 17 a giant arose in the land, the Bible calls him "a champion." 
His name was Goliath and he tormented the army of Israel day and night for forty days. In my own words he played "let's make a deal" with them. "Find a man to fight me and if he kills me, then the Philistines will be your servants...BUT if I kill him, Israel will be our servants!" It is easy to side with Israel's slow-fulness to the challenge, after all they had been freed from the bondage of Egypt and this man was a "champion giant"  threatening to place them back in bondage. 

BUT, there was a young man named David who kept sheep, he was also anointed king of Israel by Samuel. He had become annoyed by this "uncircumcised Philistine" and his continuous tormenting of God's army. And he'd decided to do something about it..and that he did!
Armed with five smooth stones, a sling, and the anointing of God, David defeated Goliath. 

There is no longer one giant defying the land...there are many now. Giants of suicide, debt, homicide, homosexuality, adultery, abortion...and the list goes one. 
Where are you David?! It is time for you to rise and take your place in the Kingdom of God...we are late! When David was told that he was too young, he submitted his resume as shepherd. He told them how he had fought a lion and bear to rescue a sheep. What's on your resume of life? The lions and bears that rose against you in your youth were for today, they weren't meant to be stories of your past.

David was questioned about his motives for wanting to fight Goliath, and he answered with a question..."Is there not a cause?"  I admonish you today to look around your city, state, homes, this great country and find your "cause." Not for profit, name, or status...but for the building of our Fathers kingdom. What is in your hand David? Use it, because giants do die...and the bigger they are, the harder they fall! 

Lately I've been fascinated with the story of Mephibosheth. He was the son of Jonathan, King Saul's son. The Bible tells us in 2 Samuel 4:4 when the news of Jonathan and  Sauls's deaths were heard, Mephibosheth's nurse took him up and fled. While running with the five year old, we are told that as she made haste to run, he fell and became lame. I find it quite ironic that while his name means "shame destroyer," he is now living a shameful life. Here we have the grandson of the king, a prince...lame on his feet, simply shameful! 

As King David rules the kingdom, I am sure Mephibosheth lived each day wondering, crying, confused, feeling hopeless, and even angry! Questions that we all ask ourselves..."WHY has this happened to ME?!" "What did I do to deserve this?!" "When will ANYTHING good happen to me?!"  His nurse, a nurturer/caregiver carried him...and he fell, resulting in injury. 

Have you ever been carried by life and then all of a sudden you fall? Something happens and you can't get up? You're too weak, faint, ill, unresponsive, lethargic, comatose....just can't do it anymore! And to add to it, all that rightfully pertained to him (land, money, servants, houses), was enjoyed by a servant, Ziba.

BUT, one day God laid it on King Davids heart to bless somebody...anybody of the house of Saul.  God would have it that this person to receive the blessing, was Jonathan's son...a man of whom King Davids soul was knit! I like to call it a "whosoever will" moment! And his name was mentioned...Mephibosheth!  All that was once his father's was now returned to him by King David, he had the privilege of eating at the kings table as one of the kings sons. 

Sometimes it feels like life has dropped us and left us on the side of the road...lame, broken, beaten, and bruised. When that moment happens, we sometimes give up on living and just start existing...just getting by for the day. But, somewhere in His time, I am convinced that God is laying you and I on someones mind...on their heart.  They will have the urge, "itch", or unction to say  "I need to bless someone of the house of Charles Law." 

I find it so funny that when my dad was killed....I was five just like Mephibosheth! I had my own pity party table, "reservations for one please!" Then, I found the truth...and it made me free.  In Isaiah 61: 1-3 Jesus is the King and He's promised to give us "beauty for ashes, oil of joy for mourning, and the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness."  I've given up my pity party table and now hold reservations for the Psalm 23:5 table! If you read a little further in Isaiah 61 at vs 7 He declares instead of your shame, "you shall receive double...in their land, they shall possess double:everlasting joy shall be unto them."

No longer hold your head in shame and humiliation; a promise has been given to you & I. God is a God of recompense, and everything you lost...You WILL get it back!

 A few weeks ago I visited my grandparents house. Next door to their home is the land that use to hold the house that I grew up in. My older sister Dodie and I took a walk down the street and when I walked back on the driveway a series of emotions came upon me. The land...it looked so small now. I wondered to myself "was our home really that small?!" It seemed impossible for me to separate the front yard from the back yard!

The home that we grew up in, what can I say about it? As a child, it was an emotional roller coaster, because my siblings and I never knew what to expect. As adults, we sit around on Thanksgiving and Christmas laughing and joking about the same things that we were once terrified and cried about. Our home was not in the best of conditions...and I say that in the nicest way. When my father was killed, my brother decided to move in with my aunt. And so we had eight females in a small three bedroom and one (tiny) bath home. We had guest that visited regularly...possums, snakes (Lord the snakes), and armadillos. We had old clothes stuffed into holes any and everywhere...that house was just falling apart. But, my mother continued to do what she could. She worked, did her best around to keep the house up, take us to church, pay here tithes, give in offerings, fast and pray (teaching us as well). She also continued to build her and my dads dream house, it took a long time...but with God's help she got it done and got us out of the old house!

I remember one night hearing my mother screaming. She had gotten up to use the restroom in the middle of the night. The Lord spoke to her "snake." She knew then that there was one in the house. As she made her way back to room, He spoke to her "snake" again. Through the window the moonlight glistened on top of his head...there was a copperhead curled up at her room door waiting. Another incident happened with my sisters, they were talking late at night (as girls do). They kept hearing something under the bed moving around. One of my older sisters Tinka kept wondering "what is moving that bag under the bed, I keep hearing a noise?!" There he was at the head of the bed! You can imagine the frenzy we all had! Funniest story ever (it is now), we had a possum visitor. He was running around the house and we were all terrified!! So, we all ran out of our rooms (except my mom...I have no idea what had to be going on in this woman's mind) and all of us piled on the sofa. My mom had a Garfield phone, so he must have thought it were a real cat...he stopped and checked it out. And then all of sudden we hear the twins toy phone (the white rotary phone with the red handle and smiley face) ringing...he's playing with the phone! 

I could go on for DAYS with stories...they make me giggle now, but back then God knows I cried many days wondering "WHY?!?!" I cried over the living conditions, my dad, my life. And as I write He allows me to think there was not ONE time that one snake, possum, armadillo...or any other uninvited guest made it into our beds or harmed us. They came near...but they didn't harm us. He was the God of Psalm 91:3-4 "surely He shall deliver the from the snare of the fowler and from the noisome pestilence...He shall cover thee with His feathers, and under His wings shalt thou trust." Also, notice that this always happened when we were in bed sleeping...someone was ALWAYS available to come and kill these creatures for us! 

 As a child I was molested, tormented, rejected, disappointed, confused, hurt...and through all of that I always wondered "why me?!"  I was surrounded by my mother and seven siblings, but yet felt so alone and terrified! I'd heard of this great God, that He "could do all things"....but why hadn't He done anything for me? Why do we live this way, why am I going through all of this at such a young age? And then we fast forward to today, it wasn't for me, it was for you. It was for your sons and your daughters. Every experience was for someone else.

Sometimes when we are experiencing hardships in life, we feel that God has left us, that He's not there. When actually, He's working continuously on our behalf. When the children of Israel were in Egypt and it was time for their deliverance, He told Moses that their cries had come before Him, that He'd seen their oppression. When Moses asked Him for His name to give to the children of Israel, God gave the name I AM. 

I AM was with me through my difficult childhood. He was with us in that house when the prowlers creeped and crawled around at night. I AM was there when I cried myself to sleep at night, He was there listening to each tear. I AM was there then and He is HERE now. Just as He told Moses in Exodus 3:7 "I have surely seen the affliction of my people....for I know their sorrows"  He means the same for us, He knows your sorrows.  Just as He was there (and still is) for me, He is also here for you! 

I AM is here...He is the same, yesterday, today, and forevermore! If I AM can part waters for the Israelites allowing them to walk on DRY land, then surely whatever your situation is, it is but a light thing to Him. Is there anything too hard for the Lord? I'd think not...He is your I AM and He is HERE for you!

 In 2003 my husband and I became pregnant with our third child. We were so happy, and as any excited dad my husband begin making plans for this son of his and what he was going to do in life. But, God begin to show me dreams of pink...every time I went to the store to buy an item, EVERY item in the store was pink! I've always known that my children were predestined by God, but I thought "ok, He's really showing me already about this one." Little did I know the journey these next nine months would unfold...it clearly opened my eyes to the word "Father."

We did all of the necessary blood work just as we've done with the other children, but this time we received a phone call around the fifth month. I went back for another appointment and was told that the blood work showed that this child would have Down Syndrome. They gave me a copy...and there it was. There were three chromosome 21 instead of two. I don't know what I thought at the moment, I just remember telling my husband what they said and no one else. We were scheduled for a "special appointment"  to discuss genetics and have a high definition ultrasound...extremely nervous. Three facts she gave me that day, #1 it's more common in women 35 and older, #2 it's more common in Caucasion women (that was then), and #3 some things are passed genetically. Webster defines facts as "something that has actual existence; a piece of information presented as having objective reality."  I looked at the lady and gave her back three truths #1 "I'm 25", #2 "I'm African-American", and #3 "there are no genetic abnormalties in either of our families."  Webster defines truth as "the body of real things, events; a spiritual reality." Simply put I didn't fit the criteria...and that was the truth.

And so, we had the ultrasound done...and just as I dreamed, it was a girl! There we looked at her on this flat screen HD television. Long legs and arms moving within the water...not a clue as to what is going on in the world outside of her protected womb. And then the next step, "we would like to do an amniocentesis." After explaining the risk and benefits, we declined. Declining meant that we would have to wait until she was born to really see if she had it or not. Then they hit us again. "Mrs. Gaul, you have the option to have an abortion being that this baby will be born with Down Syndrome." We quickly declined...leaving in awe, total disbelief.  

And so we returned home not knowing what to think...but quickly deciding to keep this to a small circle of faith filled people. And we NEVER uttered the words "our baby is going to have Down Syndrome." Because then we would have accepted it. The power of life and death was in our tongues...and we were not breathing life into it. We refused to accept it...we now begin a water walking experience. And so fasting and praying begin. I found myself on the alter at my church often, praying at home more, fasting more. Believing more. And I begin to notice in the word where each time someone came to Jesus with a problem (fact), Jesus brought them the truth...because He is the truth. And what they needed, they received exactly what they asked for. And so I found myself crying out, not to my God...because I know with him all things are possible. But, to my Father....oh, I wept in my fathers lap almost on a daily basis. Because they are saying "this" about my baby. Oh I crawled in my fathers lap and cried out to him...and He held me.  The word says in Isaiah 53:5 "and with His stripes we are healed."  Jesus himself said "it is finished." So, I believed that my baby's healing was finished on that cross. And just as any enemy does, mine talked to me "you didn't take the test, you're baby is going to have Down Syndrome, what are you going to do." All thoughts were going on inside my head. But I stayed in my daddy's lap and talked to him. Now that I think about it...not one prophet, preacher, or dream revealed anything to me the entire time. Heaven was silent...but I kept right on talking, reminding Him of the great works He's already done. 

I have five children now. Each of them were born early with short labors...except for Miss Morgan. She decided to make her grand entrance 4 days late with 16 hours of labor. The night before she was born I had a dream...Daddy showed up!! The now late Mother Wiley  came to me  to pray for me. And she took my hands in hers, and as she begin to pray, a set of invisible hands touched my belly. And Mother Wiley begin to say "can you see it, can you see it." I had my eyes closed....and there were these white clouds floating up from my belly. And I woke up...that was it.  The next day Morgan made her grand entrance roaring like a lioness. No one could touch her except her daddy. She had no idea of the battle she'd faced in the womb, but she was certain that she wanted one touch...her daddy's.  Morgan is perfectly healthy. No abnormalities. Morgan is gentle, kind, loving, but she is also a fighter, dominate, and confident. 

What facts are you faced with today? What is starring you down? Telling you "this" and "that?"  What negativity have you been told, what bad news have you received. Whatever it is counteract it with the truth of Gods word. Jesus said in John 8:32 "and ye shall know the truth and the truth shall make you free."  To know the truth is to know Jesus...because Jesus is truth. We must remember that when we accept Christ, we become genetically encoded with His DNA..which trumps the earthly DNA. So, I was correct...I didn't/don't fit the criteria, there are no abnormalities in my Daddy Gods family.  

Remember Webster defines truth as a "spiritual reality." For Morgan fact was, she may have had Down Syndrome...I have the paperwork from my blood that said she did. But, then again for Morgan truth (a spiritual reality) said she didn't....I have the blood work from Jesus that proves she's didn't!  

Whose report will you believe....




*This blog is a testimony of  Leola Gaul and in no way implies that one should not follow medical advice . If you have a medical diagnoses continue to seek and follow the advice of your physician.